Kayla, a co-worker told Alice, “You finally get to meet Mr. Perfect.”
Alice thinking Kayla was being sarcastic asked, “Is he really not that great?”
Kayla realizing the misinterpretation clarified, “He really is that great, as great as Jennifer always makes him out to be.”
I smiled upon hearing this story. My husband is brilliant, although I didn’t realize I sang his praises quite so much. He is without question worthy of every kind remembrance.
He is my best friend, my closest confidant, the one who knows more about me than anyone else. Codey is my partner in life, the human who I trust most, and the male role model for our family.
“It’s not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~Frederich Nietzche
Nine years ago a mutual friend introduced us and it was an excruciatingly slow beginning. He’s too young was my first impression, but he won me over with his old soul. We became friends first, talking for hours every day.
Like a flower blooming, beginning to trust the outside world with the delicate intricacies that lie within its petals, I opened up slowly. His words honey to my soul, his tender affections the early morning dew renewing my hope, refreshing my trust in others.
I trust him with my head
Some people say they’ve given their heart, but with Codey I have given my whole being. My heart is not all of me and honestly, my head is the part I keep most sequestered. The first time I cracked the door and let him take a peek into my brain was the last time I ever had to open it because he’s a part of me now. He understands me in a way no one else ever has and brings me peace.
I am complicated to the end that sometimes I do not understand my own needs. But Codey intuitively knows my heart, my soul and he guides me. Even more astounding is that I let him. Trust does not come easy for me, but him I trust with my life, with the lives of our children to which there is no greater trust.
A warm, happy, hope lives in my chest because of him. Calm in my storms, encouragement when I am defeated, steadfast, unwavering, he is always my anchor.
This man I often feel I do not deserve. He is a human who at his most basic molecular structure vibrates at a frequency that my own molecules understand and appreciate. No words are necessary; his being is enough, more than enough. I am lucky beyond measure to have found my soul mate.
Do you have any idea how rare it is to find someone you love just as they are and to have them love you the same in return? I do not wish to change him or hope that someday we will grow into something else. His human condition is imperfectly perfect.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ~Marilyn Monroe
Yes, we will grow, change, morph as the experiences of life continue to unfold. In our nine years together we’ve faced many difficult times: cancer, surgeries, infertility, adoption, dyslexia, ADHD, the list grows every year. The roots of our love continue to enrapture one another through these changes, growing together instead of apart.
We’ve both been weak. We’ve both been strong. Sometimes we could offer the compliment and other times we commiserated together. But we never stop appreciating one another. We never stop trying to help.
Perfection is not what I am describing here. We are two imperfect people who make mistakes. What I am trying to convey is this unity between two beings more than physical and spiritual. Our connection is granular, telepathic, energy. He knows what I need and how I feel sometimes before I do.
Action vs Feelings, which one is love?
Many quotes depict love as an action.
“Love is not a feeling. Love is a response. Love is an action.” ~David Jeremiah
“Love is more of a verb than a noun. It has more to do with acting than feeling.” ~R.C. Sproul
Above I described love as feelings, but I think it’s those feelings that lead to actions. I’ve said many times (because it is a strong personal belief) that actions speak louder than words. To me, love is an internal feeling and an outward expression of actions.
Our partnership, two-way respect, and appreciation for what each of us brings to the relationship come easily. I think this is because it is reciprocal. We both feel lucky to have each other and work hard to make the other feel loved.
Easy, simple reminders find their way into our daily lives. The “I love you. Have a good day.” text is a staple. We also hug each other before leaving, even if it’s 4:30 am when he goes to work. I’ll order his favorite pizza knowing it will be hours before he’ll be home from work. And he gets up to check the house after I’ve had a horrible nightmare.
These small expressions of love mean a great deal to us both. Reassuring and further cementing our bond, Stephen Covey would call these deposits into the emotional bank account.
“To find true love you must first find a true friend. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love’s seed grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.” ~Benjamin Vaal
All in perfect time
I’ve heard people say “I wish I would have met you sooner.” But I think I met Mr. Perfect at exactly the right time. We had both been through unhealthy relationships. We were old enough to know ourselves and experienced enough to know what we wanted. The end result has been this beautiful life we have created together.
Love what a strange concept until you find it, or it finds you. I’m not sure how you could fully understand it until you experience it. Why would understanding love be any different from understanding anything else? Experience is the best teacher.
I don’t know if love feels like this for everyone, but this is how I see it. Love is the most romantic dance and I hope the music never ends.
What I’ve tried to capture above, Bob Marley said best in the quote below.
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” ~ Bob Marley
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