Ten years of being your mom and you still surprise me. Your interests and strengths sometimes seem to come out of nowhere.
After Pioneer days at school, you came home with a fascination for sewing. You took pride in such a simple task and were eager to repair your old stuffed animal, floppy.
“They grow up so fast,” or “Where does the time go?” You hear parents make these comments all the time, but it is truly a mystery. One day you were toddling around and now here before me stands a boy nearly as tall as I am with the beginnings of facial hair.
I imagined you would be awkward and goofy at ten-years-old as you grow into your adolescents. You are but you are so much more. As you grow and change I learn more about you and fall deeper in love with you. How is that even possible? How can an already infinite love continue to grow?
The roots of our relationship grow deeper soaked in the nourishment of our conversations and cultivated by time spent together. The topic of conversation or the activity matters not, only time spent together brings that sparkle back into your beautiful blue eyes.
It’s shocking how well you listen to me. I say something and you just do it. No argument, just compliance. Every single time I am amazed and grateful. I also wonder how much longer this can last. At some point you will rebel and assert your independence, it’s only a natural progression of development.
I wonder when you become a teenager if you will ignore me completely. When you become an adult will you come home to visit?
It’s impossible to know the answers to these questions, so I cherish our walks around the block and I study the profile of your face when you are looking into the distance. Because I understand these days we are spending together now are just a stage of life. Someday you will leave and perhaps even have a family of your own. I find that bittersweet, mostly bitter today because I am selfish. I do not want to ever let you go. You are a bundle of perfection that I do not want to share with the world.
I worry that the world will disappoint and hurt you. Actually, I know that it will. I want to shield you from that. I want to keep your naivety intact, your positive nature forever optimistic. But I know that I cannot, that one day you will need to let go of me to hold on to someone else. I hope that the reason you let go of me is worthy of you and sees you in all the wonder that you truly are. I hope that she makes you happier than you have ever felt before and you chase dreams together for the rest of your life. I also hope that she feels like a loved daughter in my home when you stop by for coffee occasionally and that she might let me teach her how to make a few of your favorite dishes.
Until that day comes I will continue to look at you in complete wonder, in amazement, grateful to be trusted with such a magnificent creation. I’ll stand in awe of you, understanding no one like you has ever been before nor will ever be again, thanking the universe for this blip in time and for letting your stardust settle on this microscopic dot in a giant galaxy here with me.
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